It seems like just yesterday, but also years ago all at the same time. 365 days and not one of them has passed without us speaking your name. You aren't here physically, but you're forever present. And that's how it always will be. Your Daddy and I talk about you every single day. Your name rolls off our tongues so easily - we are as proud of you now as we were the second we set eyes on you. Every night, I replay our time together in my head before I fall asleep and I always have a smile on my face when I do. Because it was the happiest time.
Creating you is our biggest achievement and meeting you was the happiest moment of our lives. That first night, when Daddy had fallen asleep on the sofa bed beside us and you were lying on my chest and I was just watching you, taking every little bit of you in, loving every single second of you; it was just my favourite moment ever. Because it was just us three, alone in the quiet and everything felt right. And I go back to that moment in my head every single night. I have a video of the moment the midwife passed you into your Daddy's arms after you had been weighed and dressed. It's my absolute favourite. He's just so, so proud - it's written all over his face. He whispers "she's perfect" and he was so right. You were. You are.
Everyone has been so kind. Your memory box turned into two memory boxes and then into 3 whole chests full of your lovely things. Know that you are thought of often and always included. It hasn't been easy - we have missed you so much. There have been so many tears. But lots of those have been happy too, we promise. We don't wallow in the fact that you aren't here, rather, we celebrate that you lived and you changed us and changed other people in the most positive ways possible.
The 16th of July will forever be celebrated for everything wonderful that you brought to the world. You were the tiniest little thing but you sparked so much love, inspiration, kindness, strength, appreciation and awareness in the people who met you and those who learnt about you. Because who could hear the story of you and the positivity that followed and not be utterly affected? You are the little one who battled on, the bravest spirit that overcame challenges and stubbornly held on long enough to be born into the world and spend your first and final moments warm and safe in our arms when every professional we met told us that could never happen. You're amazing. And anyone who thinks your story is nothing but sad simply hasn't been listening properly.
Your story and your name has reached all corners of the world. Literally! Through you, we have been lucky to meet some of the most inspirational people possible. Strangers who have held our hands and guided us through life without you in a way that only people who have lost a child can. Your Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles miss you so much and have taken such good care of us since you had to go. Since your birth we have been blessed many times over with friendship, kindness, love. Our eyes have been opened, our attitudes to life forever changed. We have an appreciation for things that we never did before. Our whole outlook is different now. And that's an amazing thing. Hallie Archer, you made your mark on the world and you'll never be forgotten.
We truly believe that you've been watching over your little sister, keeping her safe and keeping us calm. Daddy and I are forever grateful that we've been given another chance to have another little you. I won't lie, in the beginning I really struggled that another little life had moved into your room, so to speak. I felt like I was betraying you. And then we found out that she was a girl and everything changed - it felt like you were coming back to us, through her. Everyone has commented on how she has the same little button nose as you do. With luck and your guidance, she'll hopefully arrive here safely and we'll get to hold her, love her and raise her with all the intentions we had for you. With an added incredible appreciation for just how lucky we are to be parents.
So Hallie, your journey continues. One year down and forever to go.
We love you and miss you and wish you were here.
Happy 1st Birthday, little one.
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